Unpleasant Situations

It’s nights like these that I feel like I should be content, but am entirely the opposite. The temperature is mild and marginally humid. My window is cracked to let in a little fresh air, and I can hear crickets and neighborhood dogs and cars speeding down the highway a mile away. Everyone in the house went to sleep while I remained locked in my room for three or four hours, reading a book my friend loaned me, which is probably why I am discontented. The book is sad, and reminds me very much of The Catcher in the Rye, which unsettles me even more. I never liked that book.

I know it’s summer, and I know most kids are wasting their days doing nothing. I don’t want to do that this year. I feel like I should be doing something, but I don’t know what. I want to volunteer, but I don’t have a ride AND my parents’ schedules are so messed up that I couldn’t even if I did. That also means no job, no money, and so no going places with friends. So what else is there to do other than sit here and do nothing?

Write? Yes. But I have my best ideas when I’m not sitting and staring at a screen, when I’m actually in the middle of something entirely different. Read? For a little while, but I can’t possibly do that for sixteen hours every day for two (three?) months. I can’t go walking along the trail with my camera to take pictures by myself because my parents won’t let me. I can’t bike ride by myself for the same reason. My backyard is boring and plagued by yellow jackets, and despite the fact that my basement has now been converted into a game room I can’t have friends over every day. I could clean and organize the house… if I got desperate enough. Which won’t happen. I can’t even get up enough motivation to clean my room.

It’s wonderful to not be stressed out by school and to FINALLY catch up on all of that missed sleep, but I really wish I had something to do with myself. The internet gets boring after a while. I dislike that I have to hunt for anything that might interest me because of the sheer amount of information. I’ve kind of given up on it, really. I have three or four sites I frequent at this point, and that’s it.

Sigh. There’s always something unpleasant about a situation. And when I complain about my own situation I feel guilty because I know someone else has it much, much worse.

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~ by Rckrgrl on June 2, 2010.

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